A nation's culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people.

Before leaving to Mexico it was my intention to maybe visit Ocotepec again for one week or maybe two. Ocotepec is a small poor town in the mountains, 3 or 4 hours through the wilderness from here. The reason I wanted to go to Ocotepec is of a nostalgic nature. Three years ago I went with Vides in the company of some lovely ladies to Ocotepec. We wanted to stay there for 1 month to play with the kids, to get to know them and show them some people do care. Two of our group, including me, became very ill with Chikungunya, and in the end we had to go home early... I never thought of this mission as a failed one, and I still don't, but I always kept feeling I had some unfinished business over there.

Being here in Tuxtla for a while now I am thinking it is better not to go back to Ocotepec. I want to write down and share with you the reasons why, because writing them down helps me organize my thoughts and it helps me figuring out if my train of thought is making any logical sense.

* Here in Tuxtla I am fulfilling a mission at this moment, I am useful here, people are counting on me here in Tuxtla. In Ocotepec I would need to figure out how I could be useful and when I will have found a way to make my presence fruitful, it will already be time to return to Tuxtla. It seems to me that staying in Tuxtla is far more helpful.

* I think I need to let go of the feeling that I have unfinished business in Ocotepec. I can honestly say I did everything in my power, three years ago, to make a difference in Ocotepec. I think I need to be happy and proud about that and the rest doesn't matter. Furthermore the business that I left unfinished doesn't exist anymore. The people I worked with three years ago are not there, other sisters live there now, the volunteers I worked with three years ago aren't there, sister Lies De Soete isn't there. The children that I met three years ago don't know me anymore or have gone to other places and there are other children, the business I have left has changed and I have changed as well (a lot!). If I would go back there it wouldn't anyway be possible to pick up the loose ends because the loose ends don't exist anymore.

* I think returning to Ocotepec might open some emotional bagage that I rather forget about, or at least I don't want to go and revoke those emotions. Some things should better rest in the past, there is no need to go dig all of that up. Most of you know what I am talking about, no need to elaborate.

* More or less half of the children in the home in Tuxtla are actually born in Ocotepec. I keep in mind Mahatma Gandhi who said that a nation's culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people. So helping out in the home I am in fact helping some of the children of Ocotepec. By the way, drifting away a little bit from the topic, but since so many of the children have their roots in Ocotepec they sometimes communicate in their mother tongue, which is not Spanish but Zoque. The sisters want us to be strict about this, in the home only Spanish is allowed. I find it very difficult to ask them not to use Zoque. These kids have been taken away from their roots (of course with the best intentions but still this must be a very profound disturbance in their lives). They are almost completely thorn away from their culture. Their language is one of the only things they are left with. Do we really need to take that away from them too? I understand it is practical if everybody speaks the same language and it is easier for the whole group to bond when everybody speaks the same language, but I think it might be possible to find some middle ground (for example zoque is allowed during dinner, just thinking out loud).

I know in the end it is my choice and my choice only to go back or not to Ocotepec. But please, I do value your opinions.

Best greetings,

B. Supertramp

Oh and... PS: GO VEGAN!